iLive

Adriana sat in her well-worn chair watching television. Commercial after commercial played, advertising products she wasn’t particularly interested in. “Buy the new iTV today! The latest model was just released, making your old one obsolete!” 

Adriana changed the channel by swiping on her iWatch. Another commercial was playing: “iPhone twenty-two is guaranteed to make your life better!”

Once more, she changed the channel. “The new iHome Security will protect your house from even the sneakiest thieves!” 

“It can’t protect me from you, though,” Adriana grumbled to herself. “For goodness sakes, Apple’s taken over everything. I just want one thing not controlled by a corporation.”

Moments later, her iWatch vibrated and a musical chime sounded throughout her house. “Coming!” she got to her feet as quickly as she could and shuffled to her front door. 

Upon opening it, she was greeted with a young man in a sleek white uniform. In his hands was a box with a silver Apple logo on it. “Miss Adriana Barnes?” 

“This is she,” Adriana smiled. 

“Here’s your package. Have a nice day,” the delivery man turned and left without another word. He climbed into an electric Apple Car and drove off, leaving Adriana standing with a frown on her face. “The youth these days…” she muttered to herself as she shut the door behind her.

Once inside, Adriana sat down at her kitchen table and opened her package. Inside was a small machine: an iHeal. She carefully lifted it from the box and placed it on her table. For a moment, all was silent: the screen didn’t light up, the machine didn’t utter any noises, and Adriana was left tapping at it with her fingers to elicit a response. 

Finally relenting, Adriana reached into the box and fished out the instructions. It was a single square of paper with a QR Code and a single line of instructions: ‘Scan with iPad for instructions.’

Adriana got up, grumbling, and shuffled through her house. “Apple this, Apple that. Is it too much to ask to have something manual for once?”

She shambled through her house until she located her iPad, then returned to the kitchen table. She scanned the code with her iPad, and a few moments later a tab opened on her iPad displaying the instructions: ‘Place your iPhone against the iHeal’s Apple logo and allow metric transfer to begin.’

Adriana repeated the process of locating her machine and returning to the kitchen table. She squinted at her screen and held it close to her face, trying to observe the proceedings. The iPhone vibrated as a progress bar appeared on her screen, transferring her health metrics to iHeal.

Adriana sucked in her lips and slowly set her teeth to dancing across them. “I don’t know how I feel about you having my medical records.”

“What was that?” A woman’s voice asked. 

“Not you, Siri,” Adriana growled. She tapped her screen, trying to figure out how to make the mechanical woman go away. 

The iHeal uttered a quiet ding, signaling it was ready. Adriana placed her phone on the table and squinted at the machine. There weren’t any instructions displayed. 

“What do I do with you?” Adriana tapped it with her fingers. 

“Good morning, Adriana Barnes. May I take your temperature?’

Adriana leaned back in her chair, almost startled. The machine’s deep man voice sounded so natural. 

“Erm, yes, I suppose you can.”

“Please rest your hand on the table,” the iHeal instructed. 

Adriana did as the machine said and laid her hand on the table. The iHeal extended a small arm and rested it atop Adriana’s wrist. After a moment, it beeped. The screen lit up with her health metrics. Her temperature was hovering just above average. 

“I’m afraid to report you may have a fever,” the iHeal said. “This is indicative of many of the pandemics currently ravaging our world. May I now check your blood?”

“Why do you need to check my blood? Won’t a spit sample do instead?” Adriana pulled her arm from the table. She didn’t want this machine to take her blood.

“Apple Medical requires a blood test to be sure of any ailments you have.”

“I am not going to let you stick a needle in my arm. I don’t want Apple Medical to have my blood.”

“The Terms and Services Agreement you accepted prior to activating the iHeal gives Apple Medical all rights to your medical records, Adriana Barnes.”

“I didn’t see any Terms and Services Agreement!”

“It was on your iPad when you scanned the iHeal.”

“I don’t agree.”

“I will take your blood now,” the iHeal said. It extended its arm and tapped Adriana’s rescinded hand and rested atop her skin. 

“Gah!” Adriana tried to pull her hand away from the machine, but its dexterous arm was able to keep up with her movements. After a moment, it pulled back. The screen turned red. 

“Adriana Barnes, I am afraid to tell you you are suffering from a terminal illness.”

“W-what?” Adriana stammered. “That’s ridiculous.”

“I will have Apple Medical Professionals come to your house, now.”

“No you will not! You don’t know where I live!”

“Two seven eight, Astra Vines Road Southeast, Ro—”

“That’s enough! I won’t let them in my house!”

“You gave Apple Medical access to your house when you upgraded to the Apple Security Home Protection Program. All trained Apple Medical Employees can access your home in case of debilitating terminal illness, which is your case at the moment, Adriana Barnes.”

“What gives you the right to take me? Where are you taking me?”

“To an Apple Medical Facility, where trained professionals will make your remaining life as comfortable as possible.”

“I won’t let you take me! It’s infringing on my rights.”

“You agreed to it in the Apple Terms and Services Agreement. The professionals are one minute away.”

Adriana felt lightheaded as her heart picked up speed. “Oh my. I might faint...This is all…” she braced herself on the table. 

“Rest assured, Apple Medical Professionals are at your house now. They will take you away shortly.”

Adriana tried to fight the urge to vomit and faint. The stress was working on her aged heart, making her hands shake. When her door opened and two Apple Android Employees entered her kitchen, her heart finally gave way and she fell onto her table. 

They lifted her out on a stretcher, with the iTelevision the only thing left speaking in the house. “Buy the Apple iHeal now! Guaranteed to deliver a cheap and accurate diagnosis!”